When I was reading book and glancing on top of my wall looking some space for mental reenactment from crumbs of lines I've read, I came into a sudden halt. Here's Charice's indispensable feature, dashing a cute smile at my direction. Her youthful, bright face which I admired for the longest time of my life. A cut out picture from magazine I pinned long ago.
She's been part of my musical chest before she'd gained international popularity and everyone close to me knew my addiction to her --- check on my playlist, group discussion I joined on facebook, person I frequently stalked on twitter --- it's Charice. There were times I couldn't stop daydreaming, standing on real stage next to her and singing one of my favorites from her released album, Pyramid. (And am still hoping it will come to reality, but that's not the point I'm writing this to catch attention. You wronged me.) A sudden utter astonishment shrouded over my once broken soul; mimicking, crooning along with her angelic voice outpouring inside my ears. Old days brought me tears.
It would be a transparent phony on my part if I refused to say I wasn't badly affected when she turned into lesbian. Of course, I was hurt. I could not even recall how many times I played her public interview with Boy Abunda, trying to convince myself that I heard it wrong, that she muttered incoherently out of her own delirium, that she was under depression and I want to scream to the press to leave her alone and be back when she's sober. But she admitted and comitted to it. She's tomboy.
Numerous ubiquitous critiques slammed her on internet (well, it wasn't the first time really). And some articles had released their phony congratulatory address for confessing and being truthful to herself. She's living a happy life that she's been hiding for too long. A part of me was happy, part of me was wounded. One thing silly about the whole thing was I stopped my passion for singing. For real. I remembered when I was in High School joining a local singing competition, auditioning in X Factor, because she's one of judges and even performing ballad songs (Charice's favorites) live on stage at feast, school, everywhere. It was funny days that I could not help but stifled a laugh for trying to recall it in details. I suddenly felt awkward when my friends from HS teased me.
But I totally change. I only sing in karaoke at special occasion with limited and familiar crowd.
There's nothing wrong of being what she is. And I wasn't berating because of her sex identity, not that at all. It was the new taste dispensed me from her that she has changed her voice into more masculine. Her changes makes me baffled, that, for me, there's a special bond has been cut and gradually faded when she came out in public, appeared opposite as what she'd been before. My intense desire on her own recordings, especially the new ones coming out in the market has been waned. I seldom listened to her current embraced music, and sometimes I rolled my eyes when she's telling the media how deeply in love she is ('cause, for me, it was one reasons why), sometimes I stopped praising her performance; turned off TV and leave her be. It was stupid reactions. I want to hit my head so hard for being selfishly sore asshole and inexplicably childish toward a human being who was hoping for acceptance and respect. Then, this tweet shocked the hell out of me.
I cried. I cried. Let out a long sigh for what I have done. I knew even before her confession that she was endlessly mocked by those trolls, co artists, phonies. And I was able to defend her case until such time I was out of energy to crush those bashers one by one. If there's anything I wish dearly hear from her that is forgiveness. It's true saying: Saka mo lang makikita ang tunay na kahalagahan ng isang tao kung wala na ito. (You can only see the true value of a person, when he/she is gone.) I am so sorry, Cha, for not wholeheartedly accepting what you are, for being so selfish, fake flatterer, for not protecting you once (in your new suit). Sure, what I plainly say here was just only a small thing from "ordinary person as me", but you really mean a lot to me. Your disappearance in public makes me fidgeted. I badly want to hear from you and I hope that you've fully recovered from previous painful months you are in.
I missed your sweet voice. Maybe I was too attached on your delicate, little self, but, Cha, please, believe me this time ... I love you. It was foolish of me not to stick around with you. I missed you so much. Please, be back soon. And tell us you're okay.
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| This is the right angle from where I was sitting. |
She's been part of my musical chest before she'd gained international popularity and everyone close to me knew my addiction to her --- check on my playlist, group discussion I joined on facebook, person I frequently stalked on twitter --- it's Charice. There were times I couldn't stop daydreaming, standing on real stage next to her and singing one of my favorites from her released album, Pyramid. (And am still hoping it will come to reality, but that's not the point I'm writing this to catch attention. You wronged me.) A sudden utter astonishment shrouded over my once broken soul; mimicking, crooning along with her angelic voice outpouring inside my ears. Old days brought me tears.
It would be a transparent phony on my part if I refused to say I wasn't badly affected when she turned into lesbian. Of course, I was hurt. I could not even recall how many times I played her public interview with Boy Abunda, trying to convince myself that I heard it wrong, that she muttered incoherently out of her own delirium, that she was under depression and I want to scream to the press to leave her alone and be back when she's sober. But she admitted and comitted to it. She's tomboy.
Numerous ubiquitous critiques slammed her on internet (well, it wasn't the first time really). And some articles had released their phony congratulatory address for confessing and being truthful to herself. She's living a happy life that she's been hiding for too long. A part of me was happy, part of me was wounded. One thing silly about the whole thing was I stopped my passion for singing. For real. I remembered when I was in High School joining a local singing competition, auditioning in X Factor, because she's one of judges and even performing ballad songs (Charice's favorites) live on stage at feast, school, everywhere. It was funny days that I could not help but stifled a laugh for trying to recall it in details. I suddenly felt awkward when my friends from HS teased me.
But I totally change. I only sing in karaoke at special occasion with limited and familiar crowd.
There's nothing wrong of being what she is. And I wasn't berating because of her sex identity, not that at all. It was the new taste dispensed me from her that she has changed her voice into more masculine. Her changes makes me baffled, that, for me, there's a special bond has been cut and gradually faded when she came out in public, appeared opposite as what she'd been before. My intense desire on her own recordings, especially the new ones coming out in the market has been waned. I seldom listened to her current embraced music, and sometimes I rolled my eyes when she's telling the media how deeply in love she is ('cause, for me, it was one reasons why), sometimes I stopped praising her performance; turned off TV and leave her be. It was stupid reactions. I want to hit my head so hard for being selfishly sore asshole and inexplicably childish toward a human being who was hoping for acceptance and respect. Then, this tweet shocked the hell out of me.
I cried. I cried. Let out a long sigh for what I have done. I knew even before her confession that she was endlessly mocked by those trolls, co artists, phonies. And I was able to defend her case until such time I was out of energy to crush those bashers one by one. If there's anything I wish dearly hear from her that is forgiveness. It's true saying: Saka mo lang makikita ang tunay na kahalagahan ng isang tao kung wala na ito. (You can only see the true value of a person, when he/she is gone.) I am so sorry, Cha, for not wholeheartedly accepting what you are, for being so selfish, fake flatterer, for not protecting you once (in your new suit). Sure, what I plainly say here was just only a small thing from "ordinary person as me", but you really mean a lot to me. Your disappearance in public makes me fidgeted. I badly want to hear from you and I hope that you've fully recovered from previous painful months you are in.
I missed your sweet voice. Maybe I was too attached on your delicate, little self, but, Cha, please, believe me this time ... I love you. It was foolish of me not to stick around with you. I missed you so much. Please, be back soon. And tell us you're okay.
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